Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Please Do Not Make Eye Contact With The Locals

Please review this conversation that I had today with a woman whom I JUST met who was waitressing at some local yocal resturant I went to for dinner:
W= Waitress of course
M= Me

W What a happy little girl
M Thank you
W I had a little girl who would be 24 this year but she was still born and only 4 pounds at birth. Her name is Heather, see I tatooed her name on my hand (extends hand for me) I didn't have a home while I was pregnant with her because I was only 17 so I lived on the beach. Well, I had a home until my father raped me and threw me out. But it was the Lord's Will...
M Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm sorry?
W I also have three boys. (this part is kind of hard to quote word for word because she spoke to me in "southern" language and I had a very difficult time understanding her. For you people who know nothing of the south that means she slurred her words together, left words out, and made up some of her own. I am not knocking southerners, I am part one myself) The boys are all addicted to drugs but I moved here where so they could change. My 22 year old has a girlfriend now who is 17, I told them they need to get their act together and stop that jealousy shit. She is moving here next week too.
M Ummmmm, That is good
W Well, I hope you come back here soon
M Ahhhh, okay thanks

Holy Crap people, why me? Do I look like Dr. Friggin Phil to you? No, I am not a man, I am not bald, and I sure as shit don't have his kind of money...
So I take Em to this little tiny resturant because I love southern food people. Cracker Barrel is great but I am living in the south now and these little dives sell the BEST BBQ, Catfish, Cornbread, and sweet tea. My relatives (half of them) are all from Georgia so I live for this stuff. The problem is Keith would rather go to Chili's or Red Lobster. So, my thinking is he is gone, why not give it a try? Em is thrilled because they have a real highchair and she is comfy. Oh yeah, and we had our very own soap opera going on with the only other people in the resturant. This couple is there eating when all of the sudden they start yelling at eachother. What the hell? Em is in her chair smiling and yelling back like it's the greatest thing since Goldfish crackers. So, the woman gets up and leaves but not before yelling some pretty words Em is learning not to use... What a classy place I picked to bring my daughter! So then all the friggin waitresses go over to the guy and basically say that woman was a bitch and they are all lovin on him. Jesus... He is fat, bald and just nasty ladies... At least wait until you can't smell that bitches breath from barking up a storm before she left to give the guy the key to your trailor!
So, that is what I get for traveling away from the base and eating with the locals...

Okay, so as promised I took Em to the beach. Of course being the good Mommy that I am I slopped sun block on all over her even in the covered areas. Good job dumb ass but you forgot to do yourself! So, now I am burned all over my neck and face... That is great, that is just what I need on my body.... more friggin moles. Like I don't have enough.
Em had a good time. She wanted to go to bed at 6:30 so she must have been tuckered out! She threw sand on Mommy, tried to eat shells, tried to go visit with all the tanners, and of course wanted to eat the sand. She wanted nothing to do with putting her feet in the water... she was not happy with me when I tried to get her feet wet... We both had a good time, Maybe next week we will go again. I mean why not, if I keep going I will have enough sand in my Jeep to fill up a sandbox outside.... It will save me the money.
Well, until next time and Here is to your good mental health!