Saturday, December 01, 2007

Sorry

Sorry, I have been neglecting my Blog or so I have been told several times now by my father...

To tell you the truth I haven't felt like coming here and writing anything. Em has been going through allot emotionally and mentally with her father being gone. It's been very difficult on her and it's been depressing for her and I. She has been crying in the morning or at night asking for her Daddy and asking to go back to "Mommy and Daddy's home". How do I explain to a three year old who doesn't understand length of time what is going on? How do I explain to her that we just can't go home because of Mommy's baby? I can't... I just keep telling her that Daddy wants us to wait here for him and he will be home after Olivia comes. She keeps asking, I keep answering and just about every time it eats away at me that she is going through this. She cries whenever she has to say goodbye to anyone now, she says she is scared at night when she goes to bed... it is affecting her in many ways. So, knowing this Daddy sent her a video of himself reading a book and talking to her reinforcing what I have been saying. The second she say him on TV she got really upset and didn't want to watch it at first. But then I sat with her and we cuddled up on the couch and watched it together. She started crying the instant he said her name and then of course so did I. I have to say though watching him and having him explain things himself have seemed to help some. She hasn't cried for him since she has watched the video and she seems to be in a better frame of mind. He is planning on doing another one for her soon.
Emily's school has also gotten involved with trying to help her. The classes are going to send Keith cards that they have made and on top of that the parents have donated gifts to him to all be sent in a care package. I can not explain how touched I am that these people have reached out to Keith and Emily during this difficult time for her. Yesterday I saw that amount of things being sent to him and it was hard to not let that effect me. Not only is it nice to know that people are still willing to support the military members no matter their belief in the war but they also are doing it to help my daughter who is going through something very difficult for her. And no, I haven't been telling complete strangers about Em... I have had to say something to Em's teacher because Emily cries at the drop of a dime and she is the one who decided to do this for her.

Speaking of the parents at the school. Now they know I am preggo with my husband gone. Suddenly I see people there looking at me differently and feeling the need to talk to me more. Coming from a huge military base my situation is hardly unusual but here I am hardly the norm. I didn't realize how different I was here until the last time I dropped Em off at school. One mother said to me " My husband has been gone for only 7 days, I don't know how you do it." What am I supposed to say to that? It's not like I want this... I have to do it. I just wish for Em's sake it wasn't so long. I forget that most couples/families do not spend much time apart. Keith and I laugh when we watch shows like Survivor and the players start cying because they haven't seen any family member for 30 days... But I guess in the "real world" that is the reality for most people. I guess we are that different... It is hard to see that when you are in your military bubble and everyone is going through it.

So Christmas shopping is almost done! Yipee!!! Olivia is growing more and more and her movements are getting stronger. My mother can actually feel her now. It is so strange to think that the person in there is not Emily. I know that must sound really strange but to me she was the last person taking up space in there... now somebody completely different is there and it is hard to imagine who she is. I am getting more and more excited but at the same time I have started to get a bit nervous as the time gets closer as to when I delivered Em. Now that I know Olivia is viable I have become more worried about something happening. All the "What ifs"... One thing I can say though is that time is flying by... I guess after the holidays I better get my butt in gear and get the rest of what I need for her!

Anyway, I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving! It was nice to be pregnant and eat and eat and eat.... of course I felt sick afterwards but it's not my fault... the baby wanted all that stuff!!

So, hopefully I will be on sooner than later... Have fun shopping!!