The Interview
I asked Susie to interview me so here it goes...(It's a Blog thing)
The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions — each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions
Sorry it's soooooo Long! LOL, Thanks, Susie, I enjoyed doing it!
1.I really respect that you are currently taking on all the parenting (1 baby and 2 dogs) and house/farm management alone. What is the biggest challenge for you in this role? What is your biggest reward?
Hmmm, there are so many little daily challenges first off… Things like getting all the household necessities done. (Laundry, dishes, cleaning)… This is in itself a task because everything takes a lot of planning with a toddler… I can’t just leave her to do it yet it still has to be done… Planning every thing, in itself is also a challenge for me. I am not that type of person (that has always been my husband), yet I have to be in order to function with Keith gone. Beside daily life, I have to make myself be more patient. I get really upset when things don’t go the way they should, if things are not going smoothly… If I get clumsy I tend to freak…. So I have had to learn to just let it go and get on with it. My Other biggest challenge is for me to be mentally strong which has always been a major challenge for me during my whole life. I realize with Keith gone I cannot allow myself to feel sorry for myself, go into a depression, I need to function for Emily if not anything else. It would not be fair to her to have her father gone and have her mother sad all the time…. I will not allow that to happen to myself, nor to her.
My biggest reward is at the end of each day knowing that I did everything myself. Whether it be mowing or just hanging out with Em and the farm… I made it alone, and I did it all myself.
2.How do you and Keith stay close when you are far apart? Is the Marine-family life difficult/rewarding?
Right now we keep in contact through our cell phones but in the past and when he goes to Iraq of course that is not going to be the case. I think in our case what helps is a lot of communication before he goes. We talk to each other about what we expect from each other… For instance, while Keith is gone in Iraq, he knows without a doubt that I will not be out bar hopping and that kind of stuff… He can function in Iraq knowing that things at home are fine, our marriage is fine, and his daughter is being taken care of. That kind of reassurance has kept us close even while we are apart.
There are many times that I hate the Marine Corps. It keeps us separated not only from each other but also from our parents, brothers, sisters and their families. We move every couple of years, For lower ranks the pay is not always enough, housing isn’t always great…. There are a lot of down sides. On the other hand… Keith is getting a lot of experience and education that will benefit him in the civilian world. There is also something about seeing your husband in uniform, looking at the ribbons and medals…pinning on their new rank…. It is rewarding knowing that over the years you have helped him to earn those things, knowing that you have made it through hard times, hard duty stations, and you did it alone, together.
3.Emily went through a difficult time when she was first born. What did you learn about yourself from going through that ordeal?
I learned a lot… I learned that I am strong in ways that I never knew I could be. I learned that I have more love for this child than I ever thought possible. I worry a lot, I am a good mother, to be more trusting in God. I realized just how important I am in Emily’s life and what exactly it means to be a mother. I have been given a pervious gift and that I should enjoy each day with her.
4.What made you decide to get breast implants? Do you ever have regrets about it? What will you tell Emily about it? How will you respond if she decides she wants them when she turns 18?
Good questions. I had a low self-esteem when it came to my body. I grew up being teased by people although I am sure it wasn’t intended to be mean… however it did bother me… Then when I got married I had major jealousy problems, so much so that Keith and I almost separated over it. I couldn’t even handle him looking at a picture of a woman let alone work with one… While we were stationed in Japan we had the means to pay for it and Keith told me if I wanted to do it that it was now or never… I decided to do it as I had always talked about it and wanted it. I never wanted to look like a Barbie or Pam Anderson… I went from an “A” to a “C”, just enough in my mind to make me feel normal. After that, I felt better about myself and the jealousy issue ended…not that I did it for Keith or our marriage… I knew I wanted to do it since I was younger. The outcome made our marriage better because I was happier with myself and no longer carried my self-esteem issues into our marriage.
Regrets… Hmmm, there are days when I (sorry gross) can feel the bag or if Em pushes into me I feel the coldness of them. That bothers me and I think to myself how annoying that is… Sometimes I worry about health issues, not being able to discover lumps… in that way I regret it but for the most part no.
So long as nobody lets it slip in front of Emily (I would be really mad if somebody told Emily about it), I don’t plan on telling her unless one of two things happens… First she is much much older, married, and then I will fill her in and explain things to her… Secondly, if at some point she is having issues in her own life, self esteem problems, what have you… If she is old enough to understand (young adult), and she had brought up surgery of any kind, I would talk to her about it. My fear with her knowing about what I have done is her thinking if she doesn’t like something about herself she can just change it through surgery, like it's no big deal. I want her to be happy with herself, strong, I don’t want her to look at me and say “you did it, why can’t I”… I was in my Late 20’s before I did something that drastic, I would want her to be mature in making the descion, not do it just because her mother had done it.
5.It took you almost 10 years to have Emily. What kept you going (and hopeful)?
Keith and I did everything under the sun except do IVF. It was heartbreaking, it questioned my belief in God, and made me emotionally unstable at times. We were in Japan during the extent of the major stuff when my sister got Pregnant on her Honeymoon… I was happy for her but yet shattered in grief for myself. It sent me over the edge and while talking to my mother in hysterics she said one simple thing that changed my life. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself, there are plenty of people in the world that have it worse than you”… At the time I couldn’t believe she said that to me…. When we moved from Japan we went to Texas… my mother asked me to see a Doctor one last time where they had experts in the field. We did… after more testing it was discovered that what was causing me to be infertile had disappeared and it had baffled everyone… Keith and I decided at that point to stop trying, I was done, emotionally and it was taking a toll on us, I left it up to God at that point. Not long after I was offered a job at the school system where we lived working with young teens in Gangs and bad home lives. It changed my world, my mother was right, there were a lot of people in the world that had it worse that I did…. These kids called me Mom, I knew everything about them, I cared, I worked hard to help them …. I knew at the time that is what I was suppose to be doing, I was a mother to a lot of kids, it felt good to do something for other people. I can’t say one thing kept me going, it was the most difficult time in my life and even more difficult to give up on it but my mother telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself changed my outlook on everything. It helped me move on with my life without always thinking about wanting to be a mother. I knew Keith and I were happy and healthy and that was more than a lot of people … When I found out I was pregnant I felt as though I had done my job that God had wanted me to do. He had given me my prayers in return. I feel badly that I did not have faith in God but he did in me. It has been a hard to lesson to learn but I have.
The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions — each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions
Sorry it's soooooo Long! LOL, Thanks, Susie, I enjoyed doing it!
1.I really respect that you are currently taking on all the parenting (1 baby and 2 dogs) and house/farm management alone. What is the biggest challenge for you in this role? What is your biggest reward?
Hmmm, there are so many little daily challenges first off… Things like getting all the household necessities done. (Laundry, dishes, cleaning)… This is in itself a task because everything takes a lot of planning with a toddler… I can’t just leave her to do it yet it still has to be done… Planning every thing, in itself is also a challenge for me. I am not that type of person (that has always been my husband), yet I have to be in order to function with Keith gone. Beside daily life, I have to make myself be more patient. I get really upset when things don’t go the way they should, if things are not going smoothly… If I get clumsy I tend to freak…. So I have had to learn to just let it go and get on with it. My Other biggest challenge is for me to be mentally strong which has always been a major challenge for me during my whole life. I realize with Keith gone I cannot allow myself to feel sorry for myself, go into a depression, I need to function for Emily if not anything else. It would not be fair to her to have her father gone and have her mother sad all the time…. I will not allow that to happen to myself, nor to her.
My biggest reward is at the end of each day knowing that I did everything myself. Whether it be mowing or just hanging out with Em and the farm… I made it alone, and I did it all myself.
2.How do you and Keith stay close when you are far apart? Is the Marine-family life difficult/rewarding?
Right now we keep in contact through our cell phones but in the past and when he goes to Iraq of course that is not going to be the case. I think in our case what helps is a lot of communication before he goes. We talk to each other about what we expect from each other… For instance, while Keith is gone in Iraq, he knows without a doubt that I will not be out bar hopping and that kind of stuff… He can function in Iraq knowing that things at home are fine, our marriage is fine, and his daughter is being taken care of. That kind of reassurance has kept us close even while we are apart.
There are many times that I hate the Marine Corps. It keeps us separated not only from each other but also from our parents, brothers, sisters and their families. We move every couple of years, For lower ranks the pay is not always enough, housing isn’t always great…. There are a lot of down sides. On the other hand… Keith is getting a lot of experience and education that will benefit him in the civilian world. There is also something about seeing your husband in uniform, looking at the ribbons and medals…pinning on their new rank…. It is rewarding knowing that over the years you have helped him to earn those things, knowing that you have made it through hard times, hard duty stations, and you did it alone, together.
3.Emily went through a difficult time when she was first born. What did you learn about yourself from going through that ordeal?
I learned a lot… I learned that I am strong in ways that I never knew I could be. I learned that I have more love for this child than I ever thought possible. I worry a lot, I am a good mother, to be more trusting in God. I realized just how important I am in Emily’s life and what exactly it means to be a mother. I have been given a pervious gift and that I should enjoy each day with her.
4.What made you decide to get breast implants? Do you ever have regrets about it? What will you tell Emily about it? How will you respond if she decides she wants them when she turns 18?
Good questions. I had a low self-esteem when it came to my body. I grew up being teased by people although I am sure it wasn’t intended to be mean… however it did bother me… Then when I got married I had major jealousy problems, so much so that Keith and I almost separated over it. I couldn’t even handle him looking at a picture of a woman let alone work with one… While we were stationed in Japan we had the means to pay for it and Keith told me if I wanted to do it that it was now or never… I decided to do it as I had always talked about it and wanted it. I never wanted to look like a Barbie or Pam Anderson… I went from an “A” to a “C”, just enough in my mind to make me feel normal. After that, I felt better about myself and the jealousy issue ended…not that I did it for Keith or our marriage… I knew I wanted to do it since I was younger. The outcome made our marriage better because I was happier with myself and no longer carried my self-esteem issues into our marriage.
Regrets… Hmmm, there are days when I (sorry gross) can feel the bag or if Em pushes into me I feel the coldness of them. That bothers me and I think to myself how annoying that is… Sometimes I worry about health issues, not being able to discover lumps… in that way I regret it but for the most part no.
So long as nobody lets it slip in front of Emily (I would be really mad if somebody told Emily about it), I don’t plan on telling her unless one of two things happens… First she is much much older, married, and then I will fill her in and explain things to her… Secondly, if at some point she is having issues in her own life, self esteem problems, what have you… If she is old enough to understand (young adult), and she had brought up surgery of any kind, I would talk to her about it. My fear with her knowing about what I have done is her thinking if she doesn’t like something about herself she can just change it through surgery, like it's no big deal. I want her to be happy with herself, strong, I don’t want her to look at me and say “you did it, why can’t I”… I was in my Late 20’s before I did something that drastic, I would want her to be mature in making the descion, not do it just because her mother had done it.
5.It took you almost 10 years to have Emily. What kept you going (and hopeful)?
Keith and I did everything under the sun except do IVF. It was heartbreaking, it questioned my belief in God, and made me emotionally unstable at times. We were in Japan during the extent of the major stuff when my sister got Pregnant on her Honeymoon… I was happy for her but yet shattered in grief for myself. It sent me over the edge and while talking to my mother in hysterics she said one simple thing that changed my life. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself, there are plenty of people in the world that have it worse than you”… At the time I couldn’t believe she said that to me…. When we moved from Japan we went to Texas… my mother asked me to see a Doctor one last time where they had experts in the field. We did… after more testing it was discovered that what was causing me to be infertile had disappeared and it had baffled everyone… Keith and I decided at that point to stop trying, I was done, emotionally and it was taking a toll on us, I left it up to God at that point. Not long after I was offered a job at the school system where we lived working with young teens in Gangs and bad home lives. It changed my world, my mother was right, there were a lot of people in the world that had it worse that I did…. These kids called me Mom, I knew everything about them, I cared, I worked hard to help them …. I knew at the time that is what I was suppose to be doing, I was a mother to a lot of kids, it felt good to do something for other people. I can’t say one thing kept me going, it was the most difficult time in my life and even more difficult to give up on it but my mother telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself changed my outlook on everything. It helped me move on with my life without always thinking about wanting to be a mother. I knew Keith and I were happy and healthy and that was more than a lot of people … When I found out I was pregnant I felt as though I had done my job that God had wanted me to do. He had given me my prayers in return. I feel badly that I did not have faith in God but he did in me. It has been a hard to lesson to learn but I have.