Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Jackpot

Today we went to our summer playgroup. Don't ask me what the difference is compared to the one we had been going to all year. It was all the same people. Anyway, I went to lunch with some gals from the playgroup... This was my first "Big Girl" talk in quit awhile! Unless you count talking on the phone, which I don't because I could actually make eye contact with somebody.
Did I mention how horribly hot and humid it is here in NC? OH MY GOD! What a dumb ass I was for bringing Em to the playground yesterday at 4 in the afternoon... Good Jewl, bring you kid outside when the sun is closest to the earth on the hottest days of the year... Gezzzz, I walked, another real smart move. By the time we got there I was already seeing little yellow dots and feeling dizzy... So, I had her in the swing for all of like 5 minutes and then decided I better walk back before I found myself laying in the sand.
I find myself making up words to Emmy lately. BUT I think for some unknown reason all mothers say these things to their kids. For instance I tend to be putting the "E" sound at the end of animals .... Do you see the Fishey, Kittey, Birdy, Doggy, Horsey. Why do I do this people? Is something in my brain making me talk like an idiot to my child? I try to make myself not do it but some times it just comes out. Then I don't know if I should call our dogs by their names or I if I should keep saying dog to her... I keep naming everything to her. UGH, it is not fun people. "where is your cup Emily? Cup, Cup, Cup... Look it's your cup, cup, cup" I feel like my brain is on constant repeat. I would like to actually count how many times a day I say the word "no" I bet it is in the 500 range.
Em has decided that she likes to spend time by herself under the kitchen table... Okay, a normal mother would just say it's no big deal right.... Well, that is not me people so I have to keep asking myself why she does that. Is she going to be one of those people who have no friends who sit alone in the cafeteria at lunch? Is she one of those people who will have a fear of ever leaving their house.... But then I see her today at playgroup and I know all is good with the world. She loves playing with the other children and she is very social. So, I guess one could say that she is sitting under the table to get away from her freak of a mother. Why I do this, I don't know. I wish I could just stop looking at everything she does and trying to analyze it.... and/or freaking out everytime she gets sick. I wish I could be more like my sister and just relax but I don't think it's gonna happen. Just thinking about her having a fever or having the Big D makes my tummy do flips and I start breathing really hard. Did I ever tell you about the time when Em was sick not long ago (my parents were visiting), and Em had run a fever for about a week... I took her to the Doctors 4 times and on the last visit and I told the doctor I didn't think they were taking it serious enough and thought she might have Cancer.... Yes people, I did that.... Poor Emily, she hit the jackpot when it comes to mothers!
Well, it is time for me to put this to an end. I am tired and I want to read. So, until next time...