A Turd
Once your kido starts having conversations there is no telling what is going to come out of their mouth. This is a conversation that Em and I had yesterday after she went Poopey.
Em gets off the toilet with her underwear still down around her feet, turns around, looks in the toilet and screams " Mommy, Look, my Poopey is HUGE! IT'S HUGE MOMMY, MY POOPEY IS HUGE"
Me - "Emily Please stop screaming that, I can hear you, I am foot away from you."
Emily " Look Mommy (Pointing to her beloved huge turd), my poopey is huge! I DID A HUGE POOPEY"
Me- "Yes Emily I see (Trying to wrangle her clothes back on), good job, and yes it is huge. Now please stop screaming about your huge poop"
Emily is finally dressed and she breaks out into a sprint down the hallway. I get out of the bathroom and find her sitting on the couch with her Magnadoodle. Five seconds later she is screaming for my attention again and talking about her big turd.
Me - " Emily I know you did a big poopey, I am proud, good job doing poopey on the potty. Now please for the love of God stop yelling about your big poopey"
Emily - Turns her magnadoodle around to show me how she actually drew a picture of her "Big poopey" She was ever so proud of her picture and her big poopey.
I could not believe my child was so happy about taking a massive shit that she felt the need to actually draw a picture of it. She was laughing her ass off by the way as she showed me. I think she might have my sense of humor....
So yesterday was one of "THOSE" kind of days. You know exactly what I mean. I think Emily was pissed at me for making her go to daycare yesterday. She hadn't been in along time and was not happy with me when I dropped her off. I didn't have much of a choice since I had a dental appointment and really didn't want to deal with her while there. Anyway, when I picked her up she seemed like she was happy to see me, little did I know she must have used her time there to plot her revenge.
I brought her home and gave her a healthy snack because the woman told me Em didn't eat much of a lunch. I went down the hall to my room to try on my new Vicky Secret Bras that I picked up after my appointment and lo and behold they don't fit. Shit. Now I have to drag her ass to the mall to do an exchange. So, I gather her up, her snack and we are off. I pull out of the driveway and she has thrown her snack all over my car. I pull over in front of my house, use the F word several times before opening her door and let her know I am not happy with what she has done and clean up. I get back in the car drive about 500 feet and she starts screaming for her blankey. It was in the washing machine... try to calmly explain that to a child that is screaming at the top of her lungs. Anyway, we make it to the mall and she is good up until we get in Vicky Secrets. The beast emerged. You know how when they have their annual sale they have all their bras in those circular bins? Well, Emily was running around them. I told her stop then she starts spinning in circles bouncing into displays. You KNOW people were looking at me at this point. Now I am desperately flinging bras around trying to find the right size and something that I kind of like to get the hell out of there. Finally I find two and go to the counter. There is a line... Fucking great. It gets worse. Emily moves about two feet from me and puts her finger on something that can break. She turns around and looks at me like " What the fuck are you going to do?" So... I tell her " I am going to throw your precious blankey away in the garbage when we get home." (okay, kind of mean but desperate times call for desperate measures.) She screams NOOOOOOO backs off then stands there giving me that look like she is going to run off and wants me to chase her. Dear God in heaven, why is it wrong to duct tape your child to your leg while you are trying to shop?... Just saying....
So at this point I pick her and she is not making it easy people. She is throwing her limbs every where and screaming. If I thought people were staring before they definitely were now. It takes a lot effort to hold your 30 pound child while they are going ape shit in your hands. I am finally next in line and the clerk says " Are you ready?" then says "Oh yeah, you look ready!" Bitch... I am going to fucking knock you out... just ring me up....
Anyway, after all is said and done we got home and all day Emily did everything in her power to try and piss me off. I hate those kind of days. They are exhausting for both of us...
So... I have never been a freak about the way I feed Emily... meaning I have always let her have a snack here and there. Meaning crapola. Nothing major and not a lot. But I don't see anything wrong with letting a kid have a piece of chocolate at least once a day. Not as a main meal... not a whole bag of M&M's and not when ever they want it. My motto is "Everything in moderation" However, there is one thing I refuse to bend on... Soda, Pop, or Coke... depending on where you are from. I am beginning to feel like I am the only person who does not allow their kid to have it. I honestly don't give a crap if you give your kid soda...I really don't. It's your kid, do as you please. I am just saying that I really honestly feel like I am the only one who does not give it to their kid. I went to a small cook out this past weekend and there were a lot of kids there. Every single one of them had a can of soda in their hand at some point. I guess it threw me for a loop because I didn't know I was a freak about it. So, am I a freak? How many of you let your kids drink it? Not that I am going to change my mind... she is still not drinking it. I just want to prove a point to myself that I am indeed a freak.
Anyway, that is all... until later.
Em gets off the toilet with her underwear still down around her feet, turns around, looks in the toilet and screams " Mommy, Look, my Poopey is HUGE! IT'S HUGE MOMMY, MY POOPEY IS HUGE"
Me - "Emily Please stop screaming that, I can hear you, I am foot away from you."
Emily " Look Mommy (Pointing to her beloved huge turd), my poopey is huge! I DID A HUGE POOPEY"
Me- "Yes Emily I see (Trying to wrangle her clothes back on), good job, and yes it is huge. Now please stop screaming about your huge poop"
Emily is finally dressed and she breaks out into a sprint down the hallway. I get out of the bathroom and find her sitting on the couch with her Magnadoodle. Five seconds later she is screaming for my attention again and talking about her big turd.
Me - " Emily I know you did a big poopey, I am proud, good job doing poopey on the potty. Now please for the love of God stop yelling about your big poopey"
Emily - Turns her magnadoodle around to show me how she actually drew a picture of her "Big poopey" She was ever so proud of her picture and her big poopey.
I could not believe my child was so happy about taking a massive shit that she felt the need to actually draw a picture of it. She was laughing her ass off by the way as she showed me. I think she might have my sense of humor....
So yesterday was one of "THOSE" kind of days. You know exactly what I mean. I think Emily was pissed at me for making her go to daycare yesterday. She hadn't been in along time and was not happy with me when I dropped her off. I didn't have much of a choice since I had a dental appointment and really didn't want to deal with her while there. Anyway, when I picked her up she seemed like she was happy to see me, little did I know she must have used her time there to plot her revenge.
I brought her home and gave her a healthy snack because the woman told me Em didn't eat much of a lunch. I went down the hall to my room to try on my new Vicky Secret Bras that I picked up after my appointment and lo and behold they don't fit. Shit. Now I have to drag her ass to the mall to do an exchange. So, I gather her up, her snack and we are off. I pull out of the driveway and she has thrown her snack all over my car. I pull over in front of my house, use the F word several times before opening her door and let her know I am not happy with what she has done and clean up. I get back in the car drive about 500 feet and she starts screaming for her blankey. It was in the washing machine... try to calmly explain that to a child that is screaming at the top of her lungs. Anyway, we make it to the mall and she is good up until we get in Vicky Secrets. The beast emerged. You know how when they have their annual sale they have all their bras in those circular bins? Well, Emily was running around them. I told her stop then she starts spinning in circles bouncing into displays. You KNOW people were looking at me at this point. Now I am desperately flinging bras around trying to find the right size and something that I kind of like to get the hell out of there. Finally I find two and go to the counter. There is a line... Fucking great. It gets worse. Emily moves about two feet from me and puts her finger on something that can break. She turns around and looks at me like " What the fuck are you going to do?" So... I tell her " I am going to throw your precious blankey away in the garbage when we get home." (okay, kind of mean but desperate times call for desperate measures.) She screams NOOOOOOO backs off then stands there giving me that look like she is going to run off and wants me to chase her. Dear God in heaven, why is it wrong to duct tape your child to your leg while you are trying to shop?... Just saying....
So at this point I pick her and she is not making it easy people. She is throwing her limbs every where and screaming. If I thought people were staring before they definitely were now. It takes a lot effort to hold your 30 pound child while they are going ape shit in your hands. I am finally next in line and the clerk says " Are you ready?" then says "Oh yeah, you look ready!" Bitch... I am going to fucking knock you out... just ring me up....
Anyway, after all is said and done we got home and all day Emily did everything in her power to try and piss me off. I hate those kind of days. They are exhausting for both of us...
So... I have never been a freak about the way I feed Emily... meaning I have always let her have a snack here and there. Meaning crapola. Nothing major and not a lot. But I don't see anything wrong with letting a kid have a piece of chocolate at least once a day. Not as a main meal... not a whole bag of M&M's and not when ever they want it. My motto is "Everything in moderation" However, there is one thing I refuse to bend on... Soda, Pop, or Coke... depending on where you are from. I am beginning to feel like I am the only person who does not allow their kid to have it. I honestly don't give a crap if you give your kid soda...I really don't. It's your kid, do as you please. I am just saying that I really honestly feel like I am the only one who does not give it to their kid. I went to a small cook out this past weekend and there were a lot of kids there. Every single one of them had a can of soda in their hand at some point. I guess it threw me for a loop because I didn't know I was a freak about it. So, am I a freak? How many of you let your kids drink it? Not that I am going to change my mind... she is still not drinking it. I just want to prove a point to myself that I am indeed a freak.
Anyway, that is all... until later.