Welcome back Jack
So, As we drove deeper into the south on my way back to NC the reality of my life drove along with us. When you print directions off Yahoo you expect them to be right... BUT not in my case people... Remember who we are talking about... Once we got off the main highway the directions told us to go North... Ummm, I knew in my head we needed to go South, BUT Yahoo is telling me something different. So, this leads us to getting lost. Welcome back to North Carolina Julie where your life is a constant comic relief for the All Mighty God...
So then after making my father drive around in circles as I curse out Yahoo we decide to stop at a local gas station and of course ask for directions. So, my Dad goes in and 5 minutes later he comes out and says to me " You are going to have to go in and talk with her, she speaks southern" So, in I go... what do I see before me? Dear God, I don't even exactly know how to explain it to you people. You know what a poodle's hair looks like? Okay, imagine that but much worse on this really obese woman with teeth missing and a tongue ring to bout... and very very very dirty! Anyway, she ask me if I am familiar with "their town" Ummmm, NO dipshit that is why I am standing here at 5am asking for fucking directions.... DUH! So she begins drawing a damn picture... Oh for Fucks sake... why me god... I literally take the pencil out of her hand and ask her to tell me and I will write it down. She told me to " take a right two lights down and at the corner there would be a Hardy's (a restaurant for those of you who don't know) or a hotel".... What the Fuck? Okay so I should look for a HOTEL OR a RESTAURANT? Yeah, I can see how those two are confusing..... Not only that but it was hardly two lights... more like 20... BUT hey, we got back on track.
So then we get into my local town and LO and Behold the new BYPASS is complete and Julie does not know where the hell she is because it's a new friggin road. Yeah that is right... I live here and I didn't know what direction to go... Scew you... It was dark, there was Fog and did you miss the part where I said it was a NEW ROAD?
So.... We pull in my driveway and I leave the dogs in the car along with my dad and the kido. I explain that I am going to open the door for the dogs to run in to the house. So....I open the door and BOTH FUCKING DOGS RUN OUT OF THE CAR AND START HEADING DOWN THE NEIGHBORHOOD! Are you fucking kidding me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????
So there I am after being in the car for 12 hours chasing the dogs at 6 O'Clock in the morning... I run after Bree and decide it is way to dark and run back to the jeep to get my flashlight. I start to run back to where I last saw Bree and find Tucker first .I grab his ass and practically fling him in the house... Not long afterwards I find Bree and head back for the house. Upon entry my father says to me " Well, everyone knows Gunny K's (Enter my last name there), wife is back, she is out there running around again in the dark sceaming fuck you, you fucking god damn dogs!"
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING TRUE!! So that my friends was my welcome back to NC...
So now I have been back a couple days getting into the swing of things. I am trying to catch up on housework, laundry, and mega errands to run. Speaking of errands, today I had to get a new decal for my car do drive on base. Mine had expired. So, to do this I have to go to the base's Headquarters. This means allot of Marines will be there and I have to bring Em which means a meltdown could happen while I am waiting to be taken care of. I already know ahead of time that I am not going to enjoy this errand in the slightest. So, I get there and the office is full of Marines... Great...I am the only dependent and I also have a kid on my hip who might blow a fuse at any moment. So, I go sign in with Em wiggling on my hip wanting to get down and I am whispering in her ear over and over "Please be good for Mommy"... I am sure every damn Marine can hear me and I have suddenly become a source of entertainment for a room full of people... Because Em is now starting to whine and I am struggling trying to write and keep her from getting off of me. The lady behind the desk remembers me from a few months ago when I had to do the very same thing and asks me what I needed.... Hmmm, that is a loaded question lady so you better not ask unless you mean it.... I tell her I need decals as Em starts getting worse near the breakdown point.... Normally these people need to go outside to your car and put on your decal for you.... Normally you are made to wait with everyone else which can take a long time... Normally everyone wearing a dang uniform goes before me whether they were their first or just walked in the damn door... Today was not normal.... The lady goes in her desk and hands me a bunch of numbers to put on mine AND Keith's car (You are suppose to have the car there that is getting the decals) and tells me to just put them on when I get the chance. What the hell just happened? Did lightning strike me down from above? Because I swear to God, something just as unbelievable just happened. I just stood there in disbelief... I said "That's it?" She said yes.... Mark this down on your calendar people... something went easy for me today....
BY the way people of New Jersey.... Why do you people drive at night with your car light on inside? Yes, they do... I don't get it. Just remembered that... thought I would ask.
I will get caught up on your Blogs. Give me some time. Until later people....
PS...Welcome back to my life....
So then after making my father drive around in circles as I curse out Yahoo we decide to stop at a local gas station and of course ask for directions. So, my Dad goes in and 5 minutes later he comes out and says to me " You are going to have to go in and talk with her, she speaks southern" So, in I go... what do I see before me? Dear God, I don't even exactly know how to explain it to you people. You know what a poodle's hair looks like? Okay, imagine that but much worse on this really obese woman with teeth missing and a tongue ring to bout... and very very very dirty! Anyway, she ask me if I am familiar with "their town" Ummmm, NO dipshit that is why I am standing here at 5am asking for fucking directions.... DUH! So she begins drawing a damn picture... Oh for Fucks sake... why me god... I literally take the pencil out of her hand and ask her to tell me and I will write it down. She told me to " take a right two lights down and at the corner there would be a Hardy's (a restaurant for those of you who don't know) or a hotel".... What the Fuck? Okay so I should look for a HOTEL OR a RESTAURANT? Yeah, I can see how those two are confusing..... Not only that but it was hardly two lights... more like 20... BUT hey, we got back on track.
So then we get into my local town and LO and Behold the new BYPASS is complete and Julie does not know where the hell she is because it's a new friggin road. Yeah that is right... I live here and I didn't know what direction to go... Scew you... It was dark, there was Fog and did you miss the part where I said it was a NEW ROAD?
So.... We pull in my driveway and I leave the dogs in the car along with my dad and the kido. I explain that I am going to open the door for the dogs to run in to the house. So....I open the door and BOTH FUCKING DOGS RUN OUT OF THE CAR AND START HEADING DOWN THE NEIGHBORHOOD! Are you fucking kidding me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????
So there I am after being in the car for 12 hours chasing the dogs at 6 O'Clock in the morning... I run after Bree and decide it is way to dark and run back to the jeep to get my flashlight. I start to run back to where I last saw Bree and find Tucker first .I grab his ass and practically fling him in the house... Not long afterwards I find Bree and head back for the house. Upon entry my father says to me " Well, everyone knows Gunny K's (Enter my last name there), wife is back, she is out there running around again in the dark sceaming fuck you, you fucking god damn dogs!"
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING TRUE!! So that my friends was my welcome back to NC...
So now I have been back a couple days getting into the swing of things. I am trying to catch up on housework, laundry, and mega errands to run. Speaking of errands, today I had to get a new decal for my car do drive on base. Mine had expired. So, to do this I have to go to the base's Headquarters. This means allot of Marines will be there and I have to bring Em which means a meltdown could happen while I am waiting to be taken care of. I already know ahead of time that I am not going to enjoy this errand in the slightest. So, I get there and the office is full of Marines... Great...I am the only dependent and I also have a kid on my hip who might blow a fuse at any moment. So, I go sign in with Em wiggling on my hip wanting to get down and I am whispering in her ear over and over "Please be good for Mommy"... I am sure every damn Marine can hear me and I have suddenly become a source of entertainment for a room full of people... Because Em is now starting to whine and I am struggling trying to write and keep her from getting off of me. The lady behind the desk remembers me from a few months ago when I had to do the very same thing and asks me what I needed.... Hmmm, that is a loaded question lady so you better not ask unless you mean it.... I tell her I need decals as Em starts getting worse near the breakdown point.... Normally these people need to go outside to your car and put on your decal for you.... Normally you are made to wait with everyone else which can take a long time... Normally everyone wearing a dang uniform goes before me whether they were their first or just walked in the damn door... Today was not normal.... The lady goes in her desk and hands me a bunch of numbers to put on mine AND Keith's car (You are suppose to have the car there that is getting the decals) and tells me to just put them on when I get the chance. What the hell just happened? Did lightning strike me down from above? Because I swear to God, something just as unbelievable just happened. I just stood there in disbelief... I said "That's it?" She said yes.... Mark this down on your calendar people... something went easy for me today....
BY the way people of New Jersey.... Why do you people drive at night with your car light on inside? Yes, they do... I don't get it. Just remembered that... thought I would ask.
I will get caught up on your Blogs. Give me some time. Until later people....
PS...Welcome back to my life....