Feeling Upside Down
The new song on the side is Em's favorite at the moment. She LOVES it and dances whenever it comes on Noggin. When she was in her room I was playing it on my computer and she flew down the hallway and broke our her groove... I really like the song too... I like the words, it makes me think of Em... dancing and spinning around with her... things you want for you children.
"Who's to say What's impossible, Well they forgot This world keeps spinning, And with each new day I can feel a change in everything And as the surface breaks reflections fade But in some ways they remain the same And as my mind begins to spread its wings There's no stopping curiosity"
Okay, well that is just some of the lyrics... You don't want your kids to ever think anything is impossible. You don't want anyone to ever tell them that it is. I see her and I want everything for her...I want her to know she is worthy of everything. I dont want her to ever stop wondering, wanting, pushing herself, and God help the person who tells her she is can't do something. Never mind her father, you are going to have to deal with me.
So, still no solid date when Keith is coming home. I am guessing within a month. I keep going through all these stranges emotions. Not just one in particular... but several at once. I have never felt anything like this. Not when I got married, not when I found out I was pregnant. I am not so sure I can even describe it. I think back to the moment when Keith left. The fear of the unknown was my biggest emotion. The fear of not knowing Soooo many things. Like would be able to communicate, would I be able to do everything by myself, would I be able to handle Em by myself, would Keith be okay, would he be coming home???? Then adjustment just happens... of course I became a source of entertainment for God and for the creature living in my back yard... but that is beside the point. Now though with him coming home another set of emotions have replaced everything. The very thought of waking up and going to pick him up with Em, dressed up in our welcome home outfits, with our American Flags in hand... I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it. Then my nerves hit thinking of him being home. Did I do everything right? Will something disappoint him? Will I get upset if he tries to tell me how to do something after I have been doing it all by myself for over half a year? How will Em interact with him? Will they both re-bond? .... I am almost afraid to let myself be happy that he is coming home. To let myself even begin to think it is close to being over. To let myself accept the fact that the struggling is coming to an end. This is the hardest thing I have done with the exception of Em having been in the NICU of course. Every day in some way something has been a struggle... on top of that I have had to worry about Keith and raise a happy healthy child. I have a month or so left... I know it is almost over but I never allow myself to think too much about that. Time will go to slow, I still have to get through everyday and things need to be done. But in the back of my mind it is there and the emotions creep out and I don't know what to do with them. I am happy, excited, nervous, scared, and relieved all at once.... It is a very very strange feeling.
So my friends turn up the speakers.... spin in circles with your little one or even by yourself. Trust me, this is the best song to spin in circles with a little kido on your hip. You too will be saying " I don't want this feeling to go away"...
"Who's to say What's impossible, Well they forgot This world keeps spinning, And with each new day I can feel a change in everything And as the surface breaks reflections fade But in some ways they remain the same And as my mind begins to spread its wings There's no stopping curiosity"
Okay, well that is just some of the lyrics... You don't want your kids to ever think anything is impossible. You don't want anyone to ever tell them that it is. I see her and I want everything for her...I want her to know she is worthy of everything. I dont want her to ever stop wondering, wanting, pushing herself, and God help the person who tells her she is can't do something. Never mind her father, you are going to have to deal with me.
So, still no solid date when Keith is coming home. I am guessing within a month. I keep going through all these stranges emotions. Not just one in particular... but several at once. I have never felt anything like this. Not when I got married, not when I found out I was pregnant. I am not so sure I can even describe it. I think back to the moment when Keith left. The fear of the unknown was my biggest emotion. The fear of not knowing Soooo many things. Like would be able to communicate, would I be able to do everything by myself, would I be able to handle Em by myself, would Keith be okay, would he be coming home???? Then adjustment just happens... of course I became a source of entertainment for God and for the creature living in my back yard... but that is beside the point. Now though with him coming home another set of emotions have replaced everything. The very thought of waking up and going to pick him up with Em, dressed up in our welcome home outfits, with our American Flags in hand... I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it. Then my nerves hit thinking of him being home. Did I do everything right? Will something disappoint him? Will I get upset if he tries to tell me how to do something after I have been doing it all by myself for over half a year? How will Em interact with him? Will they both re-bond? .... I am almost afraid to let myself be happy that he is coming home. To let myself even begin to think it is close to being over. To let myself accept the fact that the struggling is coming to an end. This is the hardest thing I have done with the exception of Em having been in the NICU of course. Every day in some way something has been a struggle... on top of that I have had to worry about Keith and raise a happy healthy child. I have a month or so left... I know it is almost over but I never allow myself to think too much about that. Time will go to slow, I still have to get through everyday and things need to be done. But in the back of my mind it is there and the emotions creep out and I don't know what to do with them. I am happy, excited, nervous, scared, and relieved all at once.... It is a very very strange feeling.
So my friends turn up the speakers.... spin in circles with your little one or even by yourself. Trust me, this is the best song to spin in circles with a little kido on your hip. You too will be saying " I don't want this feeling to go away"...