Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Has anyone seen my brain?

How many of you stay at home mothers feel like you have your brain rotting away in your head? Not only do I feel like it but I am starting to act like it. I can not remember simple things... Yesterday I went to Sam's Club and since I knew Em would want nothing to do with the cart and I'd be carrying her ass along with pushing one, I thought I better put my card in my pocket for easy access. I show the lady at the door, put my bag in the cart so I have one less thing to carry and off I go wishing again that I had a third arm and that I had power lifted weights as a hobby in a previous life. So, I get what I need... go to check out, check my pocket and no card!!FUCK... I am juggling Em, I am freaking out telling the cashier that I dropped my card from my pocket and now I have to go search for it. She is helping me look, holding my bag open as I am trying to maneuver things switching Em from arm to arm... then what do I see at the bottom of my purse? Yup, the fucking card, apparently I threw it in my bag when I showed the lady at the door... Apparently I am so absent minded I can't remember things from 10 minutes ago. I told the cashier lady that I was sorry, that I indeed WAS an asshole and she said she totally understood because she has three kids of her own. I then went on to ask her how on earth she has any brain cells left.
We just got back from NY a couple of days ago. We only went for a week. I didn't tell many people we were going. I figured it would be chaotic enough just trying to balance seeing each other's families. We had fun... The trip back was not so much... Em had the runs. I got my period and was not prepared. Em was grumpy, Keith was grumpy, I was grumpy. What took us 10 hours to do on the way to NY took us 13.5 on the way back. You figure it out.
Back to the brain rot... What do you women do to prevent your brain cells from dying? I have to say that in what free time I do have I usually spend reading or on the computer. Thank God for books... Not only do I feel that my brain is rotting and I am loosing my mind but I feel like I am not capable of carrying on a conversation with an adult. I find myself sitting there wondering what on earth I should talk about... Dirty diapers? No... Em's last temper tantrum? No... What I am making for dinner? No... What the hell? I can't even find anything to talk about with Keith. He is the only adult I see during the day, the only person I can actually talk to and I can't think of a single thing outside of Emily to talk to him about. I seem to be lacking in the friends department as well. Not that I don't have any or want to see them but my days are challenged by trying to keep EM's brain occupied... never mind everything else. Some of my friends understand as they have some of the same things going on and some of my other friends... well, let's just say, not so much. My days consist of everything Em, Keith, and house... I barley have time to fit myself in my schedule. Em is just at that age where she is very dependent, challenging, and non-stop. I feel like I have neglected my friends but at the same time I can not be on the phone all day nor on the computer and neglect my child. Maybe I am just paranoid but I feel like I am loosing what little friends that I have...
Speaking of Em and keeping her busy... It is amazing to see the difference in Em when we are home in NY. Here with me she is very clingy, very needy, because she needs me to keep her entertained. In NY I hardly ever got to see her. She was so busy playing with her cousins that she hardly noticed me. It was nice to see her playing on her own and enjoying other kids. She is a whole different child there... which makes me think I have to come up with better ways to keep her busy here. Maybe she acts the ways she does with me because she is bored. I try to keep her busy but I truly just think she needs to play with other kids... she thrives when she does.
Well, on that note I have to start the day. Em has Speech Therapy today and I need to get her ready. I will visit your Blogs through out the next couple of days...

Ta-ta for now...