Battle of the Wills
It's always good to sit with the girls. It gives you a chance to relax and share stories about your monsters. It allows you to see and hear that you ARE a normal mother AND there is the off chance that you are not actually going crazy. Sometimes as a mother you feel like your head might explode, like you are the only person going through the stresses of having a monster... After talking with my friends (Yes, I actually still have some), I realized that though they may seem put together and normal, that in fact they are just like yourself. As scary as it is, it's true. It is good to know... Because when you have those moments when you feel like your heart is beating out of your chest you at least have that one thing to hold on to... That you are not alone.
It seems like Emily and I are having more and more battle of the wills. It sucks in many ways. To name a few...
1. After being with me for 24/7 Emily has selective hearing to my voice. I am that "Blah Blah, No Emily" nagging voice she no longer feels the need to listen to. I can't say that I blame her as I am tired of hearing myself say the same shit over and over.
2. She is stubborn, VERY stubborn and feeds off my insanity. She refuses to do what I ask and I refuse to NOT tell her how much I am bothered by it... Mind you I don't actually say things to her but I do not easily hide the fact that I am pissed.
3. She gets bored in the house and tries to find things to get me going... I hate to say it but it's true. (This is where my idea stems from wanting to have another kid, she needs a live in playmate)
4. She is 2.
5. She gets frustrated because she can not always vocalize what she wants to say.
Okay, so that is some to name just a few. So, the other day we went with our friends to BK and Em had a tantrum above the level that I can handle in public. Meaning she was screaming and refusing to listen to me at all so I carried her screaming ass to the car where it carried on all the way home. Then it went on for about another half hour at home... I felt like a shitty mother and do alot lately. I feel like I need to be on one of those Nanny help me shows. It doesn't help either that she will listen to Keith because he is not with her all day every day and has yet to become a nagging voice in her head. Talk about something that drives me even more insane...
Anyway, we still have our moments though that makes all those other moments go away, if only for a few minutes. She ran out of her room this morning into my arms. She got comfy in all the nook and crannies that she has claimed as her own and we snuggled for awhile. No words are said as none were needed...Sometimes we just need the kisses and the hugs in life with the knowledge that there is always love. I love that little girl no matter how much she is driving me crazy during her terrible twos. I just wish I felt like a better mother, even normal would be good.
I have to remind myself as well that the traits of her personality that drive me most crazy are what will get her far in life. Her strong will and determination was what got her through 6 weeks in the NICU, what hepled to save her life. She has never given up, not since the moment she was born, and I don't want her to. I just need to learn how to teach her how to use those traits more effectively in a positive way. She is so driven when she wants something and I need to help her control that because she can not simply have everything she wants... But try to tell that to her and feel her wrath!! I kind of feel sorry for the guy she is going to marry... I don't think he will ever win a fight. AND yes, I really do hope that she has a kid just like herself!
Well, enough venting... I have just been going crazy lately, well, more so that normally. Sorry if if this post is out of whack, my thoughts are all broken up as well so I guess it goes hand in hand. If you actually read all of that then you deserve a medal, give yourself a nice pat on the back from me!
Carry on...
It seems like Emily and I are having more and more battle of the wills. It sucks in many ways. To name a few...
1. After being with me for 24/7 Emily has selective hearing to my voice. I am that "Blah Blah, No Emily" nagging voice she no longer feels the need to listen to. I can't say that I blame her as I am tired of hearing myself say the same shit over and over.
2. She is stubborn, VERY stubborn and feeds off my insanity. She refuses to do what I ask and I refuse to NOT tell her how much I am bothered by it... Mind you I don't actually say things to her but I do not easily hide the fact that I am pissed.
3. She gets bored in the house and tries to find things to get me going... I hate to say it but it's true. (This is where my idea stems from wanting to have another kid, she needs a live in playmate)
4. She is 2.
5. She gets frustrated because she can not always vocalize what she wants to say.
Okay, so that is some to name just a few. So, the other day we went with our friends to BK and Em had a tantrum above the level that I can handle in public. Meaning she was screaming and refusing to listen to me at all so I carried her screaming ass to the car where it carried on all the way home. Then it went on for about another half hour at home... I felt like a shitty mother and do alot lately. I feel like I need to be on one of those Nanny help me shows. It doesn't help either that she will listen to Keith because he is not with her all day every day and has yet to become a nagging voice in her head. Talk about something that drives me even more insane...
Anyway, we still have our moments though that makes all those other moments go away, if only for a few minutes. She ran out of her room this morning into my arms. She got comfy in all the nook and crannies that she has claimed as her own and we snuggled for awhile. No words are said as none were needed...Sometimes we just need the kisses and the hugs in life with the knowledge that there is always love. I love that little girl no matter how much she is driving me crazy during her terrible twos. I just wish I felt like a better mother, even normal would be good.
I have to remind myself as well that the traits of her personality that drive me most crazy are what will get her far in life. Her strong will and determination was what got her through 6 weeks in the NICU, what hepled to save her life. She has never given up, not since the moment she was born, and I don't want her to. I just need to learn how to teach her how to use those traits more effectively in a positive way. She is so driven when she wants something and I need to help her control that because she can not simply have everything she wants... But try to tell that to her and feel her wrath!! I kind of feel sorry for the guy she is going to marry... I don't think he will ever win a fight. AND yes, I really do hope that she has a kid just like herself!
Well, enough venting... I have just been going crazy lately, well, more so that normally. Sorry if if this post is out of whack, my thoughts are all broken up as well so I guess it goes hand in hand. If you actually read all of that then you deserve a medal, give yourself a nice pat on the back from me!
Carry on...