I am tired
I remember before Emily was born how much I loved to sleep. I worked full time and managed to get plenty of uninterrupted sleep. When I got out of work I would often take small cat naps before making dinner. I always slept soundly and usually very deeply. Then I got pregnant.
Pregnant people just think that they are tired, I know I did. Your hormones are out of wack, you have this person growing inside of you... Your body is always doing a lot of work and therefore you feel tired. I didn't fully understand why people would tell me while I was pregnant to "get plenty of rest because when the baby came I would not be getting any for years". I mean, how hard is it to rest, isn't that all a baby does, sleep? You don't fully grasp what you are in for. Now I know. A baby only sleeps between feedings in 2-3 hour intervals. If that baby should feed for over an hour then officially you are supposed to start feeding again in an hour or two, depending on weight and age. You do this 24/7... for months. At some point your doctor will finally tell you that your baby can sleep and wake you when it gets hungry and even then depending on the baby you will only get a couple of hours of sleep a night. By the time this happens your body and mind are so exhausted you know that you are on the brink of death. Your brain can not function except taking care of the child, it is using what ever strength your body has left to do this one task. Every mother remembers the FIRST time your baby sleeps for longer than a 2-3 hour stretch because we all wake up in a start from a deep sleep, look at the clock and freak the fuck out thinking something horrible has happened... Because dear God in heaven in the forever 3 months it's been alive it has never slept more than 2 hours at a time.
This is when the real fun starts people. This is when the baby realizes it's not living in a little water bubble and it wants to stay awake longer... It wants to play at night, sleep during the day, and cry in between.
So, my point is that you just don't sleep ever when you first have a baby. I don't know how women actually live through the first year of a child's life. Eventually you both get more sleep. Sleep is never the same though, not for the mother. Your ears become like little radar dishes listening for signals, any sounds your child may or may not be making. You wake instantly at the littlest of noises. Your brain can no longer fully shut down and just sleep in peace. It is always working, organizing, planning... You are a mother, without these traits you would not be able to function as one and your brain knows this and uses this down time to prepare. Your brain will actually wake yourself up at 3am and start going over shit for the next day. Your eyes will be in a state of resistance, burning staring up at the ceiling but unable to close because your dumb ass brain is prioritize for the next day.
At some point your child decides to make an entrance to your bed around 6am. The kicking, the snoring, the hogging of the bed all prevent you from further sleep. Napping is no longer a luxury as naptime for the kido is usually pick up the filth all over your damn house time. In some way those "baby boot camp" days prepared your body and mind. You know that you can function on little to no sleep, it's damn nice if you get some but it is no longer necessary. As all mothers say " You get used to it"...
Once in a great while on a long weekend for Keith or we are on vacation... Something along those lines, I get a rare opportunity to try and take a nap when Em is napping. It usually will only last 15- 20 minutes but I'll take what I can get. This past weekend Keith had a long weekend and on Sunday it was dark, rainy, and cold. A perfect being a bum day. I layed on the couch and felt myself blissfully falling asleep when Keith comes over to me and whispers " It is okay if I play the 360?" Me- " Ummm, NO, I am trying to fucking sleep, I NEVER sleep, I want to sleep". (For those of you that don't know Keith, he plays his games so loud it actually sounds like WW3 is happening in our living room) At this point he says " What about headphones" Me- "Sure" So, he leaves the room, comes back a couple of minutes with some headphones. Then I look up and he is leaning over me trying to put them on ME!! "What the FUCK are you doing?" He tells me that he got the headphones for me so I wouldn't hear him playing.... Does that make any goddamn sense to anyone? It's at that point I got off the damn couch muttering curses about video games and husbands.
So, I layed on the bed... With all three of the damn animals hogging the blanket and pinning me down so I can't even turn on my side. Why do I even bother God? Why is it that every living creature in the house has something against me sleeping? Either my brain is going over stupid shit, Em is trying to get in bed with us, the dogs are snoring, the cat is mowing for her boyfriend, battles are being played in my living room, Keith is debating with himself over politics or "dumbasses of the world" in bed watching Fox News, I am going over better ways to discipline Em, be a better mother... Yadda yadda yadda... IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING! I think I am going to get some nice drugs to help me sleep... Who cares what the fuck is going on then, I can sleep, it will MAKE my brain shut the fuck up and I can go to sleep.... I will have no choice but to tune everyone out. It will be lovely, sleep will be lovely... Oh, How I have missed the sleep, It has been so long, over three years since I have slept. I miss it.
I have to go... Em decided she wasn't going to take a nap. I am pretty damn sure she is going to bed early tonight. I am pretty damn sure I will be following not long afterwards....
Pregnant people just think that they are tired, I know I did. Your hormones are out of wack, you have this person growing inside of you... Your body is always doing a lot of work and therefore you feel tired. I didn't fully understand why people would tell me while I was pregnant to "get plenty of rest because when the baby came I would not be getting any for years". I mean, how hard is it to rest, isn't that all a baby does, sleep? You don't fully grasp what you are in for. Now I know. A baby only sleeps between feedings in 2-3 hour intervals. If that baby should feed for over an hour then officially you are supposed to start feeding again in an hour or two, depending on weight and age. You do this 24/7... for months. At some point your doctor will finally tell you that your baby can sleep and wake you when it gets hungry and even then depending on the baby you will only get a couple of hours of sleep a night. By the time this happens your body and mind are so exhausted you know that you are on the brink of death. Your brain can not function except taking care of the child, it is using what ever strength your body has left to do this one task. Every mother remembers the FIRST time your baby sleeps for longer than a 2-3 hour stretch because we all wake up in a start from a deep sleep, look at the clock and freak the fuck out thinking something horrible has happened... Because dear God in heaven in the forever 3 months it's been alive it has never slept more than 2 hours at a time.
This is when the real fun starts people. This is when the baby realizes it's not living in a little water bubble and it wants to stay awake longer... It wants to play at night, sleep during the day, and cry in between.
So, my point is that you just don't sleep ever when you first have a baby. I don't know how women actually live through the first year of a child's life. Eventually you both get more sleep. Sleep is never the same though, not for the mother. Your ears become like little radar dishes listening for signals, any sounds your child may or may not be making. You wake instantly at the littlest of noises. Your brain can no longer fully shut down and just sleep in peace. It is always working, organizing, planning... You are a mother, without these traits you would not be able to function as one and your brain knows this and uses this down time to prepare. Your brain will actually wake yourself up at 3am and start going over shit for the next day. Your eyes will be in a state of resistance, burning staring up at the ceiling but unable to close because your dumb ass brain is prioritize for the next day.
At some point your child decides to make an entrance to your bed around 6am. The kicking, the snoring, the hogging of the bed all prevent you from further sleep. Napping is no longer a luxury as naptime for the kido is usually pick up the filth all over your damn house time. In some way those "baby boot camp" days prepared your body and mind. You know that you can function on little to no sleep, it's damn nice if you get some but it is no longer necessary. As all mothers say " You get used to it"...
Once in a great while on a long weekend for Keith or we are on vacation... Something along those lines, I get a rare opportunity to try and take a nap when Em is napping. It usually will only last 15- 20 minutes but I'll take what I can get. This past weekend Keith had a long weekend and on Sunday it was dark, rainy, and cold. A perfect being a bum day. I layed on the couch and felt myself blissfully falling asleep when Keith comes over to me and whispers " It is okay if I play the 360?" Me- " Ummm, NO, I am trying to fucking sleep, I NEVER sleep, I want to sleep". (For those of you that don't know Keith, he plays his games so loud it actually sounds like WW3 is happening in our living room) At this point he says " What about headphones" Me- "Sure" So, he leaves the room, comes back a couple of minutes with some headphones. Then I look up and he is leaning over me trying to put them on ME!! "What the FUCK are you doing?" He tells me that he got the headphones for me so I wouldn't hear him playing.... Does that make any goddamn sense to anyone? It's at that point I got off the damn couch muttering curses about video games and husbands.
So, I layed on the bed... With all three of the damn animals hogging the blanket and pinning me down so I can't even turn on my side. Why do I even bother God? Why is it that every living creature in the house has something against me sleeping? Either my brain is going over stupid shit, Em is trying to get in bed with us, the dogs are snoring, the cat is mowing for her boyfriend, battles are being played in my living room, Keith is debating with himself over politics or "dumbasses of the world" in bed watching Fox News, I am going over better ways to discipline Em, be a better mother... Yadda yadda yadda... IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING! I think I am going to get some nice drugs to help me sleep... Who cares what the fuck is going on then, I can sleep, it will MAKE my brain shut the fuck up and I can go to sleep.... I will have no choice but to tune everyone out. It will be lovely, sleep will be lovely... Oh, How I have missed the sleep, It has been so long, over three years since I have slept. I miss it.
I have to go... Em decided she wasn't going to take a nap. I am pretty damn sure she is going to bed early tonight. I am pretty damn sure I will be following not long afterwards....