Monday, January 17, 2005

Up Up and Away

Emily heard a strange noise the other day and she made a new discovery. There is an UP, there is a sky full of a beautiful blue and of white puffy clouds. The look of awe came over her and as I saw her face I made a new discovery myself... Not only do I get to see this beautful child grow and witness all her milestones but I get to experience her reaction to life. Things that I take for granted like seeing the sky everyday I see with fresh eyes. For the first time in her life she saw the sky and it was a beautiful sky that day. I may not remember the first time I saw it but I will forever remember the day that she did and how it amazed her. She sat in her car seat the whole way home looking up. Upon this new discovery she has also learned that there is more to life than just her world around her. Every new discovery for her is a rediscovery for me. I treasure those moments with her. Everyone will see her walk and talk, only I will see her reaction to the simple things...The sky, a flower, a blade of grass... I truely believe that she is just mine for a time, her time to be a child... God asked me to take this child of his and mold her, teach her. In turn she has teached me so much already. I learned the other day to just take a break some time... look up at the sky and see it's beauty, God's beauty. I doesn't matter if the house is clean or whatever... what matters is Emily and I shared a special moment together, a moment in time that I will never forget.
She looks for birds now, she watches the wind blow... it scares her a little. I watch all her expressions with such delight. It is so rare to find something so innocent and pure. I could watch her all day watching the wind blow through the trees. She is facinated by it, for now. There will be a time when she no longer is but for now I savor each moment. Every day there is something new, every day I know she is getting bigger. Everday I look back at yesterday and know that with each passing day my baby is just that much closer to not being a baby. It is sad yet exciting. When I put her to bed will she look the same as she did the day before? I look back at pictures and wonder when she changed... it is happening right before my very eyes. Now I know how my parents feel, how they felt. I know that I am there to assist in her journey through life as my parents were to me. It is hard for me to think of Emily walking without me, with out holding my hands... One day I will have to let go and let her do it all by herself. The question is will I be able to do it?