Say La Ve
Dear Emily,
Please try to remember that upon waking up if it is still dark or even semi dark that it means you are to take your eyelids and shut them, tightly, until your room is fully lighted. I know you don't know what coffee is yet but trust me when I tell you that Mommy needs allot of it before I can come to your beckoning. Please also note that I am not hard of hearing as apparently your father is. You do not need to yell and scream my name hundreds of times in order to get my attention. If I do not come at your ready it is just because I am still in bed since it is the ass crack of dawn. I am at that point praying to God that you realize this and decide to go back to sleep. However, I do realize that God does have a sense of humor when it comes to me so even though I am praying, I am almost certain that you will NOT go back to sleep and continue on as if you were a broken record. A very loud broken record....
I would also like to point out to you that trying to climb our glass stereo component holder is not a good idea at all. It in no way shape or form resembles your outdoor play structure, has no slide, and does not have a tunnel at the top of it. I should know as I dust it every day. Please be aware that upon finding you on the third shelf hanging on for dear life that I nearly died of a heart attack at that exact moment. I actually did feel my left arm go numb and my hand tingled. How is it that you find the one piece of furniture that is not and can not be bolted into the wall and you figured that out? I want you to know that we put you in Time Out so to learn that it is just not acceptable because you could simply die from that falling on you... knowing that, Mommy needed you to be in Time Out so that I could control my breathing again and shake my arm several times to get the feeling back.
Mommy and Daddy would also like to point out to you that our brand new couch is not a trampoline. I have held my breath one to many times sure of the fact that you were about to fall on your face... It is a very cute and pretty face... I would be sad to see it hurt. I hate seeing you hurt period so please sit your ass down on the couch. Also try to remember that when Mommy and Daddy are sitting on the couch that we are not something you can bounce off of for your entertainment. I know we are quit bigger than you but it actually does hurt when you run and do a flying leap on to us as if you were a flying squirrel.
I love the fact that you give out your kisses so freely and willingly ... I love the little "MMMMMM" sound you make and seeing the cute little scrunched face that goes along with the sound. But please for the love of God, stop grabbing my ears and hair and pulling me to you. I know what the "MMM" sounds mean and trust me I want your little kisses. I know years from now that I will miss them as they will be few and far between... so Mommy will take as many as she can get now, there is no need to try to make me bald and my ears are not handles no matter how far they stick out.
And last but not least... as your Grandpa (or Papa as you have been calling him), asked me to do I watched "Father of the Bride" last night with you at my side. I have to say that this was the first time that I watched this movie with a big ass lump in my throat. That part where the father sees his daughter in various parts of her life just about killed me. So, that being said, you are not permitted to do as I did. You will not move across the country... You can live next door, across the street, or even down the road a block or two... Got that? Please also note that Mommy will probably have to be sedated the day of your wedding... I am sure your father will have to be drunk as well as he wasn't handling the movie too well either last night.
So, that about sums it up for now Emmy dear.
Love you more than there are stars in the sky,
Mommy
Please try to remember that upon waking up if it is still dark or even semi dark that it means you are to take your eyelids and shut them, tightly, until your room is fully lighted. I know you don't know what coffee is yet but trust me when I tell you that Mommy needs allot of it before I can come to your beckoning. Please also note that I am not hard of hearing as apparently your father is. You do not need to yell and scream my name hundreds of times in order to get my attention. If I do not come at your ready it is just because I am still in bed since it is the ass crack of dawn. I am at that point praying to God that you realize this and decide to go back to sleep. However, I do realize that God does have a sense of humor when it comes to me so even though I am praying, I am almost certain that you will NOT go back to sleep and continue on as if you were a broken record. A very loud broken record....
I would also like to point out to you that trying to climb our glass stereo component holder is not a good idea at all. It in no way shape or form resembles your outdoor play structure, has no slide, and does not have a tunnel at the top of it. I should know as I dust it every day. Please be aware that upon finding you on the third shelf hanging on for dear life that I nearly died of a heart attack at that exact moment. I actually did feel my left arm go numb and my hand tingled. How is it that you find the one piece of furniture that is not and can not be bolted into the wall and you figured that out? I want you to know that we put you in Time Out so to learn that it is just not acceptable because you could simply die from that falling on you... knowing that, Mommy needed you to be in Time Out so that I could control my breathing again and shake my arm several times to get the feeling back.
Mommy and Daddy would also like to point out to you that our brand new couch is not a trampoline. I have held my breath one to many times sure of the fact that you were about to fall on your face... It is a very cute and pretty face... I would be sad to see it hurt. I hate seeing you hurt period so please sit your ass down on the couch. Also try to remember that when Mommy and Daddy are sitting on the couch that we are not something you can bounce off of for your entertainment. I know we are quit bigger than you but it actually does hurt when you run and do a flying leap on to us as if you were a flying squirrel.
I love the fact that you give out your kisses so freely and willingly ... I love the little "MMMMMM" sound you make and seeing the cute little scrunched face that goes along with the sound. But please for the love of God, stop grabbing my ears and hair and pulling me to you. I know what the "MMM" sounds mean and trust me I want your little kisses. I know years from now that I will miss them as they will be few and far between... so Mommy will take as many as she can get now, there is no need to try to make me bald and my ears are not handles no matter how far they stick out.
And last but not least... as your Grandpa (or Papa as you have been calling him), asked me to do I watched "Father of the Bride" last night with you at my side. I have to say that this was the first time that I watched this movie with a big ass lump in my throat. That part where the father sees his daughter in various parts of her life just about killed me. So, that being said, you are not permitted to do as I did. You will not move across the country... You can live next door, across the street, or even down the road a block or two... Got that? Please also note that Mommy will probably have to be sedated the day of your wedding... I am sure your father will have to be drunk as well as he wasn't handling the movie too well either last night.
So, that about sums it up for now Emmy dear.
Love you more than there are stars in the sky,
Mommy