Ugly Bugly

Why is it that EVERY TIME I see the commercials on TV for Ugly Betty and see these pictures...






I think of these pictures?





And here is the dead ringer people...




Now, if you look closely you will notice my initials in the corner of the glasses... I was IN damn it!! IN, do you hear me? IT was the early 80's people.... And yes I wanted to wear a white sparkly glove like Michael Jackson... AND I wore pink fluorescent clothing... and head bands when the song "Let's get Physical" came out... Gotta problem with that? You young people are just jealous because I could wear those things and get away with it cause I was cool.... Nananana...
I am also putting out a disclaimer so I don't get sued if you happen to be drinking hot coffee and spit it out all over yourself while looking at my pretty pictures.

Battle of the Wills

It's always good to sit with the girls. It gives you a chance to relax and share stories about your monsters. It allows you to see and hear that you ARE a normal mother AND there is the off chance that you are not actually going crazy. Sometimes as a mother you feel like your head might explode, like you are the only person going through the stresses of having a monster... After talking with my friends (Yes, I actually still have some), I realized that though they may seem put together and normal, that in fact they are just like yourself. As scary as it is, it's true. It is good to know... Because when you have those moments when you feel like your heart is beating out of your chest you at least have that one thing to hold on to... That you are not alone.
It seems like Emily and I are having more and more battle of the wills. It sucks in many ways. To name a few...
1. After being with me for 24/7 Emily has selective hearing to my voice. I am that "Blah Blah, No Emily" nagging voice she no longer feels the need to listen to. I can't say that I blame her as I am tired of hearing myself say the same shit over and over.
2. She is stubborn, VERY stubborn and feeds off my insanity. She refuses to do what I ask and I refuse to NOT tell her how much I am bothered by it... Mind you I don't actually say things to her but I do not easily hide the fact that I am pissed.
3. She gets bored in the house and tries to find things to get me going... I hate to say it but it's true. (This is where my idea stems from wanting to have another kid, she needs a live in playmate)
4. She is 2.
5. She gets frustrated because she can not always vocalize what she wants to say.

Okay, so that is some to name just a few. So, the other day we went with our friends to BK and Em had a tantrum above the level that I can handle in public. Meaning she was screaming and refusing to listen to me at all so I carried her screaming ass to the car where it carried on all the way home. Then it went on for about another half hour at home... I felt like a shitty mother and do alot lately. I feel like I need to be on one of those Nanny help me shows. It doesn't help either that she will listen to Keith because he is not with her all day every day and has yet to become a nagging voice in her head. Talk about something that drives me even more insane...
Anyway, we still have our moments though that makes all those other moments go away, if only for a few minutes. She ran out of her room this morning into my arms. She got comfy in all the nook and crannies that she has claimed as her own and we snuggled for awhile. No words are said as none were needed...Sometimes we just need the kisses and the hugs in life with the knowledge that there is always love. I love that little girl no matter how much she is driving me crazy during her terrible twos. I just wish I felt like a better mother, even normal would be good.
I have to remind myself as well that the traits of her personality that drive me most crazy are what will get her far in life. Her strong will and determination was what got her through 6 weeks in the NICU, what hepled to save her life. She has never given up, not since the moment she was born, and I don't want her to. I just need to learn how to teach her how to use those traits more effectively in a positive way. She is so driven when she wants something and I need to help her control that because she can not simply have everything she wants... But try to tell that to her and feel her wrath!! I kind of feel sorry for the guy she is going to marry... I don't think he will ever win a fight. AND yes, I really do hope that she has a kid just like herself!
Well, enough venting... I have just been going crazy lately, well, more so that normally. Sorry if if this post is out of whack, my thoughts are all broken up as well so I guess it goes hand in hand. If you actually read all of that then you deserve a medal, give yourself a nice pat on the back from me!
Carry on...

Crafty

Have you ever met someone and thought " Wow, now there is a really nice person", then only to find out behind all that cuteness is the devil himself? No, I am NOT talking about Emily THIS time people... When I registered Emily for her Craft class I met the chick who was going to be "teaching" the class. She was oh so sweet... a cute little girl with a squeaky voice and fresh into her twenties. She went on and on how she couldn't wait to meet Emily, told me about all the crafts she had planned... Yadda Yadda. I left thinking that she was UBER nice and that maybe I really am a bitch for thinking people suck most of the time. Now, let's fast forward shall we?
People, the first class last week wasn't so bad. It was me more of showing Emily what actually we were supposed to be doing there. She sat on my lap, we glued, colored, squeezed glitter... fun shit for a 2 year old. The craft we were working on was on display at the head of the table to show us what everything was supposed to look like. Mind you, I don't give a rat's ass what the craft is supposed to look like. I am there for three reasons:
1. To get my caged monkey out of the house for awhile
2. To make a mess in somebody else's "house", if you will.
3. The whole Bonding thing

Well, this fresh 20 something chick doesn't get that whole thing. The first time we went to the class I was just trying to get Em into the swing of things and thought maybe she was as well... Firstly she is one of those people that do not have kids that speaks to them as if they are all idiots in that sickly sweet squeaky voice... it is annoying as hell... but she seemed a bit edgy and upset that our toddler's crafts were not up to par with the displays. She actually said to me at one point " I guess it's okay that you allow your child to do their own thing".... Hmmm, ya think? Do you mean to tell me you actually think she is going to be able to copy all your drawings? Ummmm, she is two, she likes to color on herself more than the paper.... So, then at the end of class she has a "snack" for them, or what I like to call a bag of crack.... It might as well have been as she gave a bunch of two year olds at 10 in the morning 4 double stuffed chocolate Oreos. Not only that but this chick actually thought she was going to get these kids to stand in a line quietly and squared away before receiving their " bag O crack". She kept getting upset if a child would get out of line.... But again, I was thinking it is all new to her and maybe being around that many kidos was getting to her.... So, let's fast forward again to yesterday.
The kids were supposed to make a self portrait using a paperplate for their face and cut out shirt to glue to it. You were supposed to decorate the shirt with their name and pictures representing things they liked or liked to do. Yeah, okay... I gave Em the marker and said have at it.... So, crazy chicky comes around and starts inspecting our work.... She tried to "explain" to me what the shirt is supposed to look like as I guess she figured that I am an idiot and can not tell by the display. I tried to explain to her that Emily does not not how to draw a straight line let alone make a picture. She didn't look to happy about that but whatever.... Then she hands out yarn to represent the hair. She gives one mother several pieces of different color yarn and says to her " I made sure that she had all her highlights represented, but I guess if you don't want to use ALL of them then I guess it's okay".... Now at this point people I realize she has a little OCD kicking and a side of Bipolar and I have to laugh, outloud, because clearly she has issues. Here is where the fun begins...She had also cut out several ribbons for the girls to put in their yarn hair. People, I was just happy to get the damn yarn hair glued on the paper plate without Em trying to glue her own damn hair to the plate...never mind making a pretty ass bow to tie and glue again in the hair. So, I take my pretty ribbon and place it in my bag because crazy bitch keeps coming around the tables and cleaning up every scrap of paper once it hits the table. God forbid the craft table gets messy.... I didn't want her convulsing over the fact that I was not following the display to a T, so I hid the evidence as she reminded me several times during her clean ups that I still had the ribbon to put in the hair. Now, once they ribbon hit the bottom of my bag something switched on in that bitch's head.... Have you ever watched the SNL skit of the Gap Girls with David Spade, Chris Farley, and Adam Sandler? Do you know that part where Chris Farley's character reaches for a French Fry and David Spade says " I thought you were going on a diet" and Chris replies back with this deep Satan voice "Lay off bitch, I'm starving".... That is EXACTLY how this crazy bitch sounded when she said to me " I thought I told you to put the ribbon in the hair" People, normally I would have went ape shit but this bitch is scary, I thought her head was going to start spinning around. I think she might actually be a robot... I am totally expecting her to explode before the class ends. When I see her head decapitated on the floor and those red robot eyes fade to black I will let you know... I will make sure and say I told you so.... For those of you that do not know of this skit on SNL that I am talking about... I don't want to know how young you are, just rent the damn video this weekend. It is the funniest friggin skit on SNL ever... really it is.
I am still bringing Em to this class... I am just not going to push Robot Satan's buttons and just ignore her....
Nothing else is going on... I have house work to do, laundry, blah blah blah. You know, fun wifey mother shit. So, until later people....

Annoying Stuff

I am just going to go ahead and tell you ahead of time to expect me to be more of a bitch than usual. Keith announced to me that we ARE going to attend the Marine Corps Ball this year. I am not happy about it... Because I need to go on a diet to look half way decent in a formal gown. I have this nightmare about people coming up to me asking how far along I am. Of course, having to answer that I had my baby 2.5 years ago does not sound all that appealing to me. I want to loose 10 pounds in the next month, think it's possible? I don't fucking know because I love the chocolate way too much. Of course visiting my parents a couple of weeks didn't help shit either. They had so much yummy food laying around the house that I just had to eat it. It's not like I wanted to hurt their feelings or anything so of course I ate everything.... duh.
So now I have to think about everything I eat. Blah, what fun is that? Last night Keith and I both ate like beasts and got a crap load of food from Chili's. We had to order it and pick it up because there was no way in hell we were going to try and enjoy our "last meal" actually in a restaurant with a two year old monster. Being that Em can be good sometimes she had fallen asleep on the way home and stayed asleep all through our meal. Yeah Em... Mommy enjoyed every single morsel in peace in quiet!!
So anyway, today is the start of hell. I really have a good outlook on it.... I allowed myself to eat 4 crackers for breakfast and Em decided she needed to have one. So, I gave her one and the little shit threw 25 percent of my breakfast to the dog!! That cracker should have been in my stomach, not the pain in the ass dog's!! Whatever....
Nothing much else to report on. We went to a pet store yesterday because Em enjoys looking at the fish and they had a ton of kittens for adoption. Em had fun playing with them... it made me sad though thinking of Levi... No way in hell though am I getting another cat. Not unless we have acres of land and it can live outside. I hate having a shitbox in the house. Mind you we still have our female cat, not that you would know because she sleeps all the damn time. Em has fun waking her up though and chasing her around the house, not sure if the cat enjoys it as much but at least she is getting her exercise. Gotta be positive people...
Speaking of Positive... I am positive that I hate Myspace. Sorry to offend all you Myspace lovers. I have had an account now for a few months and I still don't fucking get it. I mean, I understand it if you are in highschool but that is about it. Sure, it's kind of fun decorating your page... but that is about all. I just don't get having to leave a little message or trying to find some stupid ass glitter text image to leave in somebody's comments. To me, it's annoying as hell just looking for something to put on somebody's page. And really, it just seems like the biggest waste of time and energy that you will never get back. I don't get how people actually sit down at the computer to find the "perfect" image.. it is fucking stupid!! The only time I enjoyed passing notes to somebody was in school. I guess it is cool in the way you can look people up and find people you lost over the years but then after that why don't you just send them an email for shit sake? I still have an account because once in a blue moon I get somebody that finds me... Other than that I could give a shit less.
Have I told you that my computer has gone to shit? I have these vertical lines going down my monitor.... It is annoying as hell.... but since I am a cheap ass bitch I refuse to get another one. There is just too much shit coming up and I don't want to spend needed funds on another computer... that is what it comes down to.
Anyway, I know this is boring as shit but I felt like writing so there ya go... Later people...

Call Me

I have lost my mind people. I have decided to join a group of women in the Marine Corps that I have despised for 12 years. Let me explain. To help better the lines of communication between the spouses in the MC a group of volunteers decided to run an organization that would be a go between other spouses and each unit's command. In the past, way back when I was a new wife in the Corps and Keith was a newbie Marine himself... back in the day, this group of women served more as a gossip community and/or a group of whores. More the latter, if you will. I have stayed away from them as far as possible, until now. During this past deployment I was very displeased (fucking pissed off), that NOBODY from Keith's unit ever called ONCE for anything. Not that I need a babysitter mind you... it just would have been nice to get a phone call saying that our husbands had at least landed in Iraq. But atlas, nothing.... not through the whole fucking deployment. Now, mind you, I am a Gunny's wife (For those of you that know nothing about the MC, that just means that I am old and don't get to see my husband as much because he is working his ass off dealing with bullshit until he goes to bed). I don't need help. I know how most things work just from over the years, which got me to thinking. What about all those young wives with young kids? They don't know anybody, anything, and probably did not hear from their husband as often as I did. Which really started to piss me because even though that yes, there are A LOT of problem marriages out there, there are just as many good marriages as well. I know (and you as well), that I was going fucking out of my mind most days, and I am supposed to have it put together at this point. I can't imagine what some of the younger wives were going through. Not only that...BUT, it would have been nice to get a fucking phone call telling us when our husbands were coming home. Ya think? On top of that his unit had their phone turned off at one point... Geee, could it be because all the wives were calling wondering what the fuck was going on, Maybe after 7 months we kind of wanted to know when to expect our husbands home? So, I decided to suck it up and at least try this thing out. At the very least I can call the wives during a deployment and make sure they and their kids are still alive, eating, and have power. Again, NOT ONE FUCKING PHONE CALL EVEN AFTER WE HAD A FUCKING HURRICANE! So... I decided I am NOT letting this happen again on this next deployment. Did I mention also that I will be receiving information from the command as well? So I will be informed, which will be a major change from this last deployment. I swear to God, if I see or hear any bullshit from these women I am stepping out... Let's not forget people that I am hermit, I am not an ass kisser, and I don't put up with bullshit... so we will see how it goes.
Can I tell you how thrilled I am (overjoyed, ecstatic, so happy I am going to pee my pants), that in 1.5 months our contract with AllHELL ends? YIPEE!!! Now the questions remains as who will be our next Cell phone providers. Cingular or Verizon? I have no clue... it just better be a hell of a lot better than what we have now. BUT, either way I see a cute litte pink phone in my future.
Lately a couple of people (although due to brain rot I can't remember who they are), have asked me why I call Emily "Little Turkey". It goes way way way back to when I was a little girl... I have family in Georgia whom we used to visit every summer. For some reason (although I have a better understanding of that now), my Aunt used to call me a Turkey on occasion. Maybe I was hyper, said something stupid... Whatever.... the name stuck with me and I tucked it away deep in my brain tissue somewhere. Fast forward to when Emily was a baby. I don't know the exact day mind you, but one day Emily was being a little shit(Big surprise ehhh?). Well, my brain must have opened up the old file cabinet upstairs and my mouth blurted out "You are such a Turkey"... And well, being that she has always been little I kind of dubbed her "Little Turkey". So, there you have it... the long awaited answer to your question. It's only been two years, I have been kind of busy... I hope it was as thrilling to read as it was thrilling to write.
Must go and get my ever so lazy ass in the shower. Later People

Nothing

I wonder what it means exactly that my 2.5 year old has more of a life than I do. Even though we live in the south and live right down the road from the ocean, summers sort of suck here. It gets way too humid to be able to even want to make the 5 foot walk to your car let alone want to go anywhere. It is way too dangerous to even let Em play outside for any amount of time. So... as I said the summers suck. Finally a cool breeze has come through and we have been venturing outside again. It is awesome being able to let Em do her thing in the backyard. Yesterday she kept going in and out and I caught up on house stuff... Her and I both enjoyed it. Em has turned into a busy little beaver lately with the Fall rolling in and I have received a new titler as well, "chauffeur"... She is busy EVERY day doing something. Mondays her speech therapist is going to start coming to the house for an hour staring next week. Tuesdays she has "Crafty Campers" in the morning and group speech therapy in the afternoon, Wednesday she goes to "school", Thursday is her playgroup, Friday she has school again, and I am thinking of starting her in gymnastics on Saturday mornings. See what I mean about having more of a life then me? I guess it's good, I just hope I am not over doing it. I think it's better than having her sit her ass in front of a TV all damn day though. She needs the stimulation or she turns into a monster, she just does not do well if she is not busy. She simply whines and cries about everything and I would rather keep her busy than have us both going crazy.
So, Halloween is right around the corner again. That is insane to me. It just does not seem possible that the holidays are only a couple months away. I have no clue what to dress Em as... I feel like we just did the Halloween thing! I am looking forward to going to the pumpink patch with Keith though and making some memories with him. Next year he will be gone again so I want to enjoy this time of year with him being apart of everything. Although I have to say that he won't be here for our anniversary again. So that will be three years that we will be apart for it. He is going to the field for some training for almost two weeks... oh well, better than 7 months. Speaking of 7 months we thought for a bit that it might be possible that he would be going again soon for another 7 month deployment (It would have been our choice, rather than have him leave in August), but we decided against it. I would rather him wait until he is supposed to leave and just give us more time. I don't think either one of us feels like doing it all again so quickly.
Nothing really new to report. We were thinking of moving off base and renting a home out in town. Then we actually looked at some houses and realized that what we could actually afford was basically the same size house we have now. Houses are small here in NC, JESUS! I wasn't wanting a manison for shit sake, just something to fit our shit in! Now I see that what we live in on base housing is considered normal for this area... As soon as Keith gets done with the next deployment we are requesting to get the hell out of here!
Anyone watch the finale of Big Brother last night? I didn't really care who won out of the two of them... I think Boogie had the better game play even though he is an asshole, so I guess I am glad he won over Erika. I think Janille should have won it but at least she got a nice chunk of change out of it. Now my next addiction is going to be Survivor. Keith and I decided it is fun to have a show to watch together... it took us 12 years to discover this. LOL
Em has been growing again... Damn kid! She is suddenly into a 3T shirt and 2T pants! She actually looks taller to me. Her dang head is getting bigger too... I can't get her noggin to go through her old shirts! Time to buy some new clothes again! What I actually NEED to buy her is some fall PJ's. Think I might do that while she is at school this afternoon. I also need to go through all her shit (and as in shit I mean toys), and get rid of a bunch of it. I know with Christmas coming I had better. It's either that or ask housing to add another room on and I don't think that's going to happen. She has so much shit now that we are going to "convert" our patio area into a playroom for her. It's going to cost us about 500 bucks to do it... we are going to put plastic over the screen, put up blinds, and get a rug with padding for the floor.... Yeah, 500 bucks for that shit... It needs to be done though, we have totally out grown this house.
Anyway, on that note.... Hope you all are doing well. Later...

Remember

What can I say about today that everyone hasn't already? Five years ago evil changed all our lives in the name of God. I know of no God that asks his people to do such a thing. I know of no God that knows of hate.
There are many people to remember today. The victims, the families, the children growing up without their parent, the firemen, the policemen... There are military members still fighting in the name of freedom... the freedom to go about our daily lives in peace without worry of another attack. The reminder that there are still evil people in the world watching, waiting, plotting... Remember that this war is not over... these people will NEVER stop hating us, they will NEVER stop plotting. In the names of the victims from 9/11 we must never forget all of this.
May God watch over us all... in whatever name you call him.

Tag You're it!

The Hillbily Princess decided I needed more shit to do in my life so she tagged me for this Meme... Thanks Girly! LOL

1. Three Things that Scare Me
Something happening to my family
Getting Sick
The Creature

2. Three People who make me laugh
Keith
My Dad
Krisin

3. Three things I hate the most
Picking up Dog Shit
Waking up too early
Saying Goodbye

4. Three thing I don't understand
Democrats (LOL Laina)
Why the Turkey throws a fit
How the hell I am supposed to teach somebody to take a shit in a potty and not in their pants

5.Three things I am doing right now
Typing this shit
Listening for Em to wake up
Enjoying the quiet

6. Three things I want to do before I die
See Italy and Ireland
See my Grandchildren
Get back in shape (someday It will happen people)

7. Three things I can do
I curse really well
Multi-task
Say the word "No" at least 5 thousand times a day

8. Three words to describe my personality
Sarcastic
Real
Candid

9. Three things I can't do
Spell
Take a dump every day (ya, I KNOW you people wanted to know that!)
Sleep

10. Three things I think you should listen to
Emily sing
Your inner voice always
A Marine talk about the Corps

11. Three things you should never listen to
Rap
Emily Whine
Bree snoring

12 Three things I would like to learn
Patience
How to cook more meals
How to fix the Lottery so I win

13. Three favorite foods
Italian
Southern
Chips ( a good reason why I am never in shape)

14. Three beverages I drink regularly
Sweet Tea
Diet Pepsi
Diet Dr Pepper

15 Three shows I watched as a kid
Sat. Night Live
Happy Days
Laverne and Shirley

16 Three People that I am tagging to do this

Cat, Beth, and Kari because I know she doesn't have anything better to do! LOL

May they rest in Peace

I just literally finished spending a week with Keith's parents and grandmother. What's that you ask? Wasn't I just in NY for two weeks with family? Why, yes, yes I was but the day I got back home they arrived a couple of hours later. I drove all night by myself (yes, night), walked in the door and unpacked my car within minutes, Keith came home and wanted lunch (Welcome home honey), Unpacked my clothes, put Em to bed.... then I was so tired at that point I felt like I was going to vomit and the room was spinning so I decided to curl up on the couch. About an hour after I awoke the In-laws showed up... wanting dinner. Then later that night Ernesto hit, we had no power and bunch of debris to clean up.
So, it has been a busy past few weeks. NY was great. I love being there and even though every day is a whirl wind of events I enjoy just being with my family. I love being in NY and being surrounded by memories of growing up and being comfortable in my environment.
Keith's family just left an hour ago. I don't know how to describe their visit... it is always chaotic... I guess that is the word. It has been awhile since I have hung out with an older person. I forgot some of the funny things they do. Every time Keith's grandmother talked about somebody that had died she would say in mid sentence "May they rest in Peace". I heard that phrase allot this past week people... She would also whisper when talking about somebody alive if it was in a gossipy sort of way... ya know, so the person in NY would not hear them all they way here in NC.
Anyway... today is cleaning, get the house back in order day. Today is the day that Em takes a nap... a nice long quiet nap. I don't have anything exciting or witty to report... I am too damn tired to write such a thing. I will say however that I am oh so excited about sleeping in my bed tonight. Especially since our air mattress deflated early in the night then Keith's dad knocked on our door wanting bottled water at 3:30 am.
On to something else... a few random thoughts in no order.
1. I am still upset about putting our cat to sleep. As the Vet. said we were doing the right thing but it still sits badly with me. I miss him and I feel horribly for having done it.
2. Steve Irwin... How horrible. His wife and kids... his parents.
3. Babies. Whether in relation to myself, my sister Kris, or Kari...Why?
4. Been wanting to move out of base housing and rent a house. Need lots of money to move.
5. Can't wait to switch Cell phone companies soon.
6. The holidays are already coming. Yikes!
7. Must touch base with all my friends.
8. It getting darker out earlier and earlier already.
9. Must loose weight again.

So that about sums it up people. Not very exciting, I know but it is what it is. The next couple of days are going to be cleaning, laundry, and getting us all back on schedule. I will cya around... Later people.