What a Nut
Let's face it, I am still pretty new to this Mother stuff and wasn't aware of the thing called the "Morning after" as Christie calls it. I thought I was Miss Smarty Pants last night making sure Em took her nap an hour later than usual, putting her to bed an hour later... getting her internal clock all ready for the fall/winter hours. LOL, yeah, first I wake up at 6am sharp. Greaaaaat. Then as I am getting out of the shower what do I hear? Giggles coming from a Turkey's room. Greaaaaat. So, being the oh so clever person that I am I decide to let her play in her crib hoping she might fall back asleep. I grab my book and read in my bed not wanting to even make a peep outside her door if I should walk by. 15 minutes, still giggles.... Ahhh, keep reading, she MIGHT still go back to sleep. Another 15 minutes and I hear a Turkey bouncing in her bed... guess it is time to get out of bed and start the very early day. Not so clever am I after all....
So the day has started, the dogs must be let out in between making coffee, getting Em milk, getting her something to eat, that sort of thing. I let them out and once again they start barking immediately. Why you ask? The damn squirrel that is living in our Tree likes to tease them. Well, since I live on base I can not have my muts out barking their brains out at 7am. So, being the crazy woman that I am fetch me the broom as an empty threat because it works everytime. I do my morning curses to the dogs that pertain of " You fucking little shits, get your asses in here", of course this is through my teeth and not actually loud enough for my neighbors to hear. I am sure I look like quit the mad man out there with my broom, chasing the dogs, and cursing through my teeth all this in my Jammies.... So anyway, I grabbed the broom ready to run around my yard in my daily pajama jog when I see the squirrel dead in Bree's mouth. HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD WHY ME? Once again, I tell you that this shit does not happen while Keith is here, only while he is gone.... Anyway, the thought occurs to me, "Now what" How the Bloody Hell am I suppose to get this dead thing out of my dog's mouth? She better be real scared of the broom for my sake because what else do I have? So, first I go after Tucker who is thrilled with Bree for actually doing something to his liking and is on her tail running around the yard in bliss with her. I put the broom high above my head and start running towards him yelling at him in curses... he looks at me like the mad man I am and decides his fate is better off if he listens and runs in the door. One down, one to go. Bree is in full throttle running laps around the exterior of the yard....little dead squirrel tail blowing in the breeze and all. Once again I extend my arms up in the air with the broom yelling vulgarities to the dog. Her eyes widen and she sees I mean business and drops her treasure. Holy Crap, it worked! So then I chase her in the house. Now, the matter of disposing the squirrel.... Put in the trash, ahhhh, no. Can't leave it in the yard so in the woods it must go.... People, I can't tell you the amount of courage it took me to do this for several reasons. One being the CREATURE might be watching me and decide to meet me up with me and decide to say hello. 2nd, There were hunters out there just 10 minutes ago shooting their rifles, didn't feel like getting shot. So, I take the Pooper Scooper and pick it up and start heading out into the woods. Okay, more like making a mad dash all while screaming because I am almost positive that even though it's intestines were hanging out that it was going to wake up and cling on to my face and bite my nose off! So, I run pretty far in (Not wanting to smell it rot in case nothing claimed it as a meal) screaming to let the Hunters know I was there, the creature know that I was there, and make sure the squirrel wanted nothing to do with biting my nose off... I flung the squirrel off, ran back to the house screaming profanity at Keith for being in Iraq and leaving me with this stupid ass shit to do... Then I got in the house, locked the door and cursed some more at Bree. The only good thing out of this is Maybe, just maybe the Creature will take this as some sort of offering and leave me alone!!
Once again people, another fun filled day....
So the day has started, the dogs must be let out in between making coffee, getting Em milk, getting her something to eat, that sort of thing. I let them out and once again they start barking immediately. Why you ask? The damn squirrel that is living in our Tree likes to tease them. Well, since I live on base I can not have my muts out barking their brains out at 7am. So, being the crazy woman that I am fetch me the broom as an empty threat because it works everytime. I do my morning curses to the dogs that pertain of " You fucking little shits, get your asses in here", of course this is through my teeth and not actually loud enough for my neighbors to hear. I am sure I look like quit the mad man out there with my broom, chasing the dogs, and cursing through my teeth all this in my Jammies.... So anyway, I grabbed the broom ready to run around my yard in my daily pajama jog when I see the squirrel dead in Bree's mouth. HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD WHY ME? Once again, I tell you that this shit does not happen while Keith is here, only while he is gone.... Anyway, the thought occurs to me, "Now what" How the Bloody Hell am I suppose to get this dead thing out of my dog's mouth? She better be real scared of the broom for my sake because what else do I have? So, first I go after Tucker who is thrilled with Bree for actually doing something to his liking and is on her tail running around the yard in bliss with her. I put the broom high above my head and start running towards him yelling at him in curses... he looks at me like the mad man I am and decides his fate is better off if he listens and runs in the door. One down, one to go. Bree is in full throttle running laps around the exterior of the yard....little dead squirrel tail blowing in the breeze and all. Once again I extend my arms up in the air with the broom yelling vulgarities to the dog. Her eyes widen and she sees I mean business and drops her treasure. Holy Crap, it worked! So then I chase her in the house. Now, the matter of disposing the squirrel.... Put in the trash, ahhhh, no. Can't leave it in the yard so in the woods it must go.... People, I can't tell you the amount of courage it took me to do this for several reasons. One being the CREATURE might be watching me and decide to meet me up with me and decide to say hello. 2nd, There were hunters out there just 10 minutes ago shooting their rifles, didn't feel like getting shot. So, I take the Pooper Scooper and pick it up and start heading out into the woods. Okay, more like making a mad dash all while screaming because I am almost positive that even though it's intestines were hanging out that it was going to wake up and cling on to my face and bite my nose off! So, I run pretty far in (Not wanting to smell it rot in case nothing claimed it as a meal) screaming to let the Hunters know I was there, the creature know that I was there, and make sure the squirrel wanted nothing to do with biting my nose off... I flung the squirrel off, ran back to the house screaming profanity at Keith for being in Iraq and leaving me with this stupid ass shit to do... Then I got in the house, locked the door and cursed some more at Bree. The only good thing out of this is Maybe, just maybe the Creature will take this as some sort of offering and leave me alone!!
Once again people, another fun filled day....